Pain, puking, and flashy blue lights ...

Lots of people have migraines. They all have my deepest sympathy/empathy. Migraines are awful. They are debilitating. They are mean and nasty. I know, first hand, up close and personal. I've spent the last few days dealing with one.

Years ago, I used to get them frequently, often as twice a week. Many times I've had to get friends to cart me to the emergency room for a nice big shot of Demerol, then haul me back home so I could crawl into bed and let the drug send me off into pain-free oblivion. I was very close to calling a friend last night. Only the lateness of the hour and the fact that I didn't think I'd be able to ride in a car that far without puking my guts out kept me from making a call.

Over the years my migraines have slowed to occurring maybe once or twice a year. I can't tell y'all how many ways from Christmas the level of pleased I am about that. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, I can catch one early enough with a dose of Advil and ratchet it down to an the equivalent of an ordinary annoying headache. But every once in awhile, WHAM! No amount of Advil will help and I'm reduced to curling up in a fetal position somewhere and wishing I could cut my head off and bury it out back in a deep, dark hole in the ground. This most recent migraine was the worst I've had in a long, long time.

I spent nearly the entire day yesterday on the sofa, cold rag on the back of my neck and my head in my hands. Didn't move much except to worship at the porcelain shrine of Vomictus, the God of Nausea, a time or two. I was, in a word, pathetic.

I'd been fighting the migraine on and off since Wednesday. I had a bad day that day. Thursday I had to force myself to be productive and go into town to run some errands. Friday was rough. On Saturday I had to make a trip into town to buy bread for my neighbor and to help a friend decorate the restaurant where she was having her mother's 70th birthday party. Then I had to stay for the party. My fabulous computer tech guy also brought my computer back to me (it coped attitude and had to be resuscitated) that evening. When I sat up in bed yesterday morning I felt like my head had been kicked by an elephant.

I took Advil. No help. I puked my guts up. No fun. I tried Reiki. Couldn't relax and focus. I complained to the cats. They ignored me. I debated dunking my head in a bucket full of cold water. I was already switching between extreme, sweating hot and shivering cold body temperatures. I didn't think the bucket idea would help much, just get my hair wet and I didn't have the umph to dry it. So, I sat there, head in hands.

Sometime around 7:00pm I was pretty much at my low point. I focused my eyes long enough to send the husband a text message asking him not to do his nightly call. Even thinking about hearing the sound of the phone ringing made me want to throw up. I was sitting there, debating which friend to call and take me to the emergency room, trying to decide if I thought I could ride in a car without dying, feeling absolutely horrible at the thought of anybody having to come help me ... and then, as embarrassing at it is to say this, I'll tell ya' folks, I started crying.

As I sat there, ready to break down and call my neighbor, thinking I just couldn't take it anymore, the oddest feeling came over me. I saw the most beautiful flash of electric blue and the top of my head went warm, like someone put their hands on it. My shoulders relaxed so much they felt like they dropped a foot. I heard my guide, Myrium, ask me why I waited so long to ask her for help. I could see her, in my minds' eye, run her hand down the back of my neck ... and the pain was gone. Just like that. Gone.

I was still feeling a little weak, slightly dizzy, stomach a bit queasy, but otherwise completely pain free. I thought, "Holy cow!". It was incredible. It was wonderful. Where, not a minute before, I was sitting there hunched over and so sick I was crying, I was now actually sitting straight up and smiling like an idiot. I jumped up and sent the husband a text to tell him to call. I didn't feel like dancing a tango, but I felt pretty damn good all things considered.

Now, I know lots of people who would think that story was just nuts. But I also know a lot of other people who would just nod their heads in understanding. They know what I'm talking about. They know their own spirit guides as I know mine. And they would ask the same question Myrium asked me, "Why did you wait so long to ask?". Truth is, I was so caught up in feeling bad, so self-absorbed in my misery, I just didn't think of it. I feel a little guilty about it now, but I also know that my guides don't hold it against me. They already know I'm a pain-in-the-ass 90% of the time. In working with me, their patience knows no bounds. A fact I am infinitely grateful for.

But it brought home to me how far I've been away from them over the past year. 2009 was tough. Three hundred and sixty five days of some pretty rough going. I have, without realizing it until now, been retreating into a little bubble of self-protection and isolation. I used to be very hermitish. I closed off nearly everyone and everything and just moved through my life in that same bubble. I functioned, but I was 'shut-down'. Like living on auto-pilot. I've spent the last 10 years working hard to come out of that old behavior pattern and open up to life. I made huge progress. Amazing progress. I have a life full of blessings.

Somewhere during the past year I "slipped" and fell. I can't say it was one thing in particular, more a combination of things. My response was to retreat. I think this migraine was a 'wake-up call'. When I think back to the times my migraines were frequent and nasty, it was always during difficult times. My body's way of dealing with an overload of suppressed emotion and stress. It's hard to face life sometimes when you are an overly sensitive person. Being around people can feel suffocating. Stressful situations and upsetting events can be just too much. It's like always being on the edge of a panic attack. Sometimes the only way to cope is to shut down.

Sitting there on the sofa last night, sick to the point of crying yet fearing to call for help, it hit me ... not asking for help when I need it is one of my biggest problems. It's like putting handcuffs on myself and then expecting to be able to wield a paintbrush and create a masterpiece on a life-sized canvas. Not going to happen. Instead, what I need to do is take action. First thing to do is make a doctor's appointment and, as much as I hate the thoughts of taking any kind of medication, get something for the migraines. Then I need to start getting back into life, hopefully find a job to get me out of the house and bring in some extra income. Maybe join a knitting club or something like that. And most importantly, start paying attention to my guides again ... maybe if I do that then hopefully I won't need to take any migraine medication because they will just go away. Sounds really good to me.

Thanks, Myrium.

Namaste, y'all ...

My coffee cup bites the dust.

Do you ever get attached to things? I do, I'll admit it. I have my favorite shoes, my favorite paint brush, favorite pen to write with. You get the picture. I also have a favorite coffee cup. I've had it for years. At least 15 years, if not longer. I killed it today.

Back story: I was born and raised in Atlanta, GA. Well, half raised. When I was eleven, after my parents divorced, my mother, brother and I moved to the foothills of NC where my mother was born. In 1975 is was a cheap place to live for a single mother with two kids. Most of her family still lived there. Spent several summers visiting, stayed with my grandparents, played with cousins, typical summer vacation kind of thing. It was okay, but I liked being in Atlanta better. City kid.

It was upsetting to move away from my friends, places I knew and was familiar with. The actual moving day wasn't too bad because my uncle (Mother's brother) and his family had come down from NC to help. He and my aunt had two kids the same ages as my brother and I so we entertained each other and stayed fairly distracted about the whole move thing. It was late at night when we finally got to the house my mother had rented. Too dark to see anything. We just piled in the house with what we needed and went straight to bed.

I will never forget waking up that first morning, looking out my new bedroom window, and seeing acres of cornfield and chickens in the front yard. I stood there and cried. I was immediately homesick for Atlanta. I stayed homesick for years. Went back a couple of times years later for college and a job, but it just didn't work out that I could stay. Ah well, that's another story.

Back to the coffee cup ...

In my mid-twenties I started collecting Coca-Cola stuff. After all, Atlanta is the home of Coke. I was also a Coca-Cola addict, but again, I digress.

I collected all kinds of stuff ... antique Coke trays, cards, advertisement posters, dish towels, coasters, vintage bottles, magnets, etc. I even had one of those huge antique red metal 'button' Coke outdoor store signs that hung on my wall in my living room. But my favorite thing was an old, green glass soda shop Coke mug. The kind used for making Coke floats (Coke with a scoop of vanilla ice cream). I have no idea of the date or antique value of the thing, and that didn't really matter to me, I just liked it. I had found it at a yard sale for .25¢. It became my 'cup of choice' for nearly everything I drank. Sure, sometimes I'd use a different cup or glass, but it stayed my preferred cup for all these years.

I sold off nearly all of my collection a few years ago when I moved back to this area. Big ol' yard sale. Cleaned house, literally. One of the few things I kept from my Coke collection was my cup. Couldn't part with it. Loved my cup.

Today, I'm deeply saddened to say, I broke it. Washing dishes. Slipped right out of my hand and WHAM! Hit the side of the sink and broke into a half dozen pieces.

I stood there a full minute, stunned, before I launched into a tirade of non-printable swearin'. I wrapped all it's pieces in a towel and buried it in the trash can. Had a fresh pot of coffee and no favorite cup. I shall miss my cup.

I wanted to show you a picture of it (ya' know, 'cause blogs are so much better with photos) so I did the typical thing ... Googled it. Not really expecting to find anything and have to post this naked of pictures, I was surprised to discover one for sale on ebay. Who'da' thunk it? I clicked the link.

Holy schmoly! Would you believe the seller is asking $36.12? And that's reduced from $42.50! Granted, they have a bottle opener for sale with it, too. But $36.12? Are they outta' their minds? Now I really loved my cup, but thanks, I'll have to pass on that offer. I'll use another cup I already have.

Did I mention it's a Coca-Cola cup, too?

Namaste, y'all ...

Library find!

No Impact Man

I found Colin Beavan's blog, No Impact Man, several weeks ago and bookmarked it for future pursuing. There was a lot to read and I just haven't taken time to sit and go through it all. I did take the time to add his book to my Amazon.com wish list.

Went to the library on Monday for a round of 'shelf diving' and for some reason decided to have a look through the "new book" section. I hardly ever look there for anything - mostly 'cause I find an armload in the regular shelves and just can't carry anything else!

Anyway, I'm standing there, head hanging to the side in that goofy, library shelf-looking way and noticed an odd title in blue letters on the red spine of a book. Eh? Could it really be? I set my armload of books on the floor and pulled it from the shelf. Yep, indeed. No Impact Man. I laughed and said, "Well, yee ha!" out loud. Yeah, the library ladies gave me a look, but they know me.

So I slapped it on the stack with the rest and headed to the checkout counter. Plan to start reading it right after I finish the one I'm currently reading. While I almost always have several books I'm reading going at the same time I thought I would like to give this one my undivided attention.

While I was gathering images to put with this post I discovered it's been made into a movie as well ...

No Impact Man DVD

Guess this means a trip to the video store sometime in the near future - that is, unless they have it at the library!

Namaste, y'all ...

Momma Nature and Old Man Winter ... it's a tag-team effort.

Call me crazy. Call me a person swimming in wishful thinking and vain hope. Call in an order for a large White pizza from Roma's Italian Restaurant and have it delivered. Call Momma Nature and Old Man Winter and tell them the party is over and this is the final call from the bar. I'm ready for warm weather now, thank you very much.

I've been eye-ballin' the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administraton page for my location and watching as the nasty stuff crept closer and closer all week. We got dumped on Monday with a foot of snow. We got another couple of inches of sleety/snowy/freezy stuff last night. Been steadily drizzling more of the same all day. Calling for more of it tomorrow. Did I already tell you I'm really, really ready for warm weather?

This is what I woke up to this morning ...

I will be the first to admit it is beautiful ...

But despite the beauty, I look out my window and see how the weight of it makes the pines lean over like hump-back old men. I can't quite get the "this stuff makes trees fall down really close to my house" thoughts out of my head. Living in a house surrounded by trees it nice, but it does have it's down side at times.

So, the furry vermin and I found parking spots and enjoyed ourselves ...

I chose the sofa with a hot cup of Earl Gray and a book ...

Tuck got comfy on my side of the bed ...

Zipper got his blankie at the foot of the bed ...

And we had a good day.

Namaste, y'all ...

I have been hereby summoned ... duly noted. I'll bring my knitting.

Back in November of last year I had to renew my driver's license (got a terrible photo, by the way). When the assisting officer asked if I wanted to register to vote I thought, "What the heck!" and told him okay, sure, why not?

Now, some people out there might blow a gasket at my stating the fact that I don't vote. Let me go on record right now and tell you I've heard all the arguments, all the opinions - both reasonable and dumb-ass - from people over the years about voting and non-voting. I stand firmly by my own opinion that if, on that ballot, there isn't a single person I feel worthy of giving my vote to then I'm not voting. It's like being given a choice between being snake-bit by a copperhead or a rattle snake ... I'm supposed to choose between the lessor of two evils? I prefer not being bitten at all, thank you very much.

But there's another side to being a registered voter I'd completely forgotten about. Jury duty. Needless to say, getting a summons for duty in the mail the other day was, well, a surprise. And ya' know what? I'm not complaining. I'm kinda' thinking it might be cool.

Years ago I lived in a small town in South Carolina. It was 1992 and the only year I have ever registered to vote. I got summoned that year, too. Only that time I was called for jury duty in Superior court and would have had to serve for the entire year. Somehow, they had too many people and ended up throwing everybody's name in a hat, pulled twelve names and two alternates. My name didn't get pulled and that was that. Never served, life moved along. Didn't give it anymore thought.

Thanks to that officer at the DMV I've been offered (okay, summoned) a second change. While I know for some serving on jury duty is a big hassle and everybody always gripes about it I'm oddly looking forward it. It's not out of any feeling of civic duty or other such stuff as that. It's about having a new experience. Who knows what might happen?

No, I'm not looking for drama of a murder trail or tangled intrigue of illegal mayhem. Surprisingly, for being relatively small, this county has had it's share of such doings. But I'm not sure I'd want someone's future in my hands ... to be part of a panel of people that could put someone in jail for the rest of their life, or worse. Doesn't sound like something anyone would find enjoyable unless you were nuts. It's simply the process of it all. Learning about the system (which, I know - I know, is flawed) and what all goes on when you serve on jury duty. What kind of cases do you hear? Etc, etc, etc.

So, on February 23rd I'll be at the courthouse in my Sunday-go-to-meetin' clothes and see what's what. I'll stuff a book and some knitting in a bag in case they make me wait around. Who knows, they, too, might just send me back home.

Namaste, y'all ...

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day ...

... when it's cold outside I've got the month of May ...

It starts with this very pretty Fancy Sparkle Organdy from Hancock Fabrics (color is Sunny Jasmine) ...

Which, naturally, must be inspected very closely ...

Because being creative is tiring you have to take a breather ...

But then you get busy and make some cute little pleats ...

Add some rings ...

Measure up a nice big hem ...

Which, naturally, must pass another inspection for accuracy ...

You get to hang this lovely bit of sunshine and sparkle on your window ...

And admire your handiwork ... or sniff it, depending on your preference ...

Namaste, y'all ...

Momma Nature smacked us again ...

Have you ever noticed the way the whole world seems to go quiet after a snowfall? It's both peaceful and spooky. Out here in the boonies, where it's usually quiet anyway, the snow quiet is even more pronounced. No birds chirping. No faint sounds of cars and trucks on the main road a couple of miles away. No dogs barking. Nothing.

I drove into town on Friday and did a few errands, bought some groceries, prowled the library for some reading material, then vamoosed myself back home as fast as I could. I wanted to beat the "snow shoppers", you know the ones, like locust, they descend on the grocery store at the slightest hint of snow and buy up every single gallon of milk and loaf of bread within a 50 mile radius. Freaky. I try my best to avoid them.

The sky was cloudy and you could smell the snow on the air. Didn't need the weatherman to tell me what was coming. Good ol' Mother Nature had decided we needed more snow, and snow she gave us. While not as much as the last time (about 15 inches at my house), she still dumped us with about a foot of that fluffy, sparkly kind on Friday night. Then she graced us on Saturday with a full day of a very fine sleet/snow mix. So fine it looked like a thick, heavy fog through the woods.

The sun came out briefly on Saturday morning before the sleet stuff and I went outside to clean off the front and back steps and to make sure the A/C unit wasn't buried under a ton of ice like last time. Going out the back door I nearly walked face-first into this ......

Icicles as long as my arm. Hanging from the gutter right over the back door. I could have been a shish-ka-bob! Fortunately I backed up in time, made a U-turn to get my camera, and snapped a couple of pictures. I'm not sure what it is about icicles that fascinates me so much, but they do. I think they are amazing and beautiful. These were lovely and sparkled in the sun. Bad photography or whatever prevented capturing the sparkle. Oh well ... they were pretty.

 

 

Namaste, y'all ...

Signs of Spring!

On the way out to check the mail this morning I was most happy to see three of these little fellows ...

 

Bluebird:
Keynote: Transformation. Passage into happiness and fertility.

In an ancient Pima tale, the bluebird is described as having been an ugly color, but then one day it found a sacred lake where no water ever flowed in or out. The bird bathed in it four times every morning for four mornings, singing a sacred song. On that fourth morning, it came out of the river with no feathers at all. When it bathed itself again on the fifth morning, it came out of the sacred lake with its blue feathers. The bluebird became a symbol of transformation through sacred song and sacred acts.

In the Pueblo tradition, great importance is placed upon rituals and ceremonies honoring the six directions. In the Niman Kachina ceremony, the bluebird represented the southwest direction. The southeast and southwest directions represented the rising and setting of the shortest day; thus the bluebird was a symbol of the setting on the shortest day of the year, the winter solstice. Hence the bluebird is considered a winter bird, but it often indicates that each day that follows will have greater sunshine.

The bluebird is also often considered a spring bird, representing the movement out of winter into spring. It is a bird of transition, of passage--from winter to summer, from child to adult, night to day, barrenness to fertility.

In the north the appearance of the bluebird heralds the coming of spring. Its habitat is one of open fields with scattered trees and is one of the few birds that has benefited by the spread of agriculture, and thus it is often a sign that we will also benefit from the agriculture within our own life. The things we have planted and the seeds we have sown will come to fruition.

Among the Pueblo, bluebird feathers were used to promote snow and ice, moisture that will bring new growth. Because of this and other similar associations, the bluebird is also related to fertility on all levels.

The bluebird is a guardian of all passages and transitions that we make or are about to make. We speak often of the bluebird of happiness, and this is rightly so. It makes our movements more fertile, productive, and protected so that we can attain the happiness we need in life.

When the bluebirds show up, we are about to see a change in the climate. Darkness will soon fade and more sunshine will arrive. Our own fertility in our endeavors will increase, and our passages and movement in all endeavors will be protected. Those things or people who had hindered our endeavors will find themselves bogged down in their own "ice and snow."

*Animal-Speak/Ted Andrews
Keynote: Modesty, Unassuming Confidence and Happiness
Cycle of Power: Winter and Summer (changes of seasons)

The bluebird is a native of North America. Although once common, they are now quite rare. This often is a reminder that we are born to happiness and fulfillment, but we sometimes get so lost and wrapped up in the everyday events of our lives that our happiness and fulfillment seem rare. When bluebirds show up as a totem, it should first of all remind you to take time to enjoy yourself.

Bluebirds are part of the thrush family, and you may wish to read about thrushes to learn more of the bluebird. The males are entirely blue, while the females are blue only in the wings. Occasionally there will be some warm reddish tones on the chest as well. Pay attention to the colors and where they are located. This will provide some insight.

To the Cherokees, blue is the color of the North, while in many magical traditions, it is the color of the East. The edges of many Jewish prayer shawls were often the color of blue. Blue is associated with the throat chakra and creative expression. Blue is symbolic, so ask yourself what blue means to you personally,.

The idea of the bluebird being symbolic of happiness is fairly recent. The concept has developed more within this century than any other time. As far as I have been able to discover, the bluebird did not play any major role in Indian myths or tales.

This bird always has a plaintive song and modest, unassuming appearance. Its shoulders are hunched up when perched, giving an impression as if ready to dive. This can be symbolic of a need to work hard and play hard. Are you trying to shoulder too much responsibility?

To the Pueblo, bluebirds are considered winter birds because they descend to the lowlands with the snow and cold during that season. This transition from winter to summer is dramatic in the area of the western home of the Pueblo. It is a transition from great coldness to summer heat.

This is symbolic of a passage, a time of movement into another level of being. Specifically, it is connected to the transformation of a girl into a woman, and thus the bluebird is also sometimes connected to puberty rites. This, of course, has connection to human fertility and a new confidence and happiness in coming into your own.

Other Pueblo rites revolved around the use of bluebird feathers as prayer sticks. They were considered beneficial for snow and ice, and for bringing the summer rainy season. There are also rites in the Pueblo tradition that tie them to the fertility of the land.

Bluebirds are gentle and unaggressive. They do not push or bully other birds, but they are very scrappy when threatened. They have been known to put to flight jays and even larger birds. Their homes usually have an entrance facing South, the direction for awakening the inner child. If a bluebird has come into your life, look for opportunities to touch the joyful and intrinsically native aspects of yourself that you may have lost touch with.

***************

Even though it's only 37° and the weather is calling for more snow later in the week I can't help but feel thrilled to see them. They are what I consider a sign of Spring coming 'round the corner. It can't get here soon enough!

Namaste', y'all ...

Knitting for love, sewing for fun, and One Small Change update.

My neighbor, Joyce, is a wonderful, remarkable person and a very dear friend. Always happy for me to walk down the hill to her house, hot coffee and good conversation ready. We talk about everything, share recipes, craft ideas, homemaking ideas, chit-chat about life in general. I love visiting with her. It was deeply saddening to learn she was diagnosed with breast cancer several weeks ago.

Being the kind of woman she is, Joyce got a jump-start on dealing with hair loss from the radiation and chemotherapy she was going to face in the coming weeks. She had her grandson shave her head! We joked about temporary tattoos and fancy scarves tied up like turbans. With an incredibly positive attitude, love and laughter, Joyce has dealt with a bad situation in a way that is unbelievably admirable. Despite the treatments, the side-effects of the medications she has to take, she has moved through the process with the only word I can think to use ... grace.

So, with it being winter weather around here right now, and her having no hair to cover her noggin', I got busy knitting a gift for Joyce. Using the roll brim hat pattern from Simple 1-2-3 Knitting, Lion Brand Homespun yarn in the colorway Tudor, I knit up a noggin' cover. Very easy pattern on #9 circular needles, then switched to #9 DPNs to finish it off. According to the instructions it says you can make it in a couple of hours but, well, I'm just not a fast knitter and it took me longer. Meh, I don't concern myself with speed, just the joy of the process of knitting and I get there eventually! Anyway, the yarn (pattern calls for mohair) I used is soft, machine washable & dryable, and is a lovely blend of cream, tan, rose, lavender and blue. Being a boucle' yarn, it also has an interesting texture and has a slight "fuzz" to it which is somewhat mohair-ish, too. Yes, it technically called "bloom" or "halo", but I'm not technical.

 

With the studio in a somewhat more functional state I've been doing a little sewing for the home. Throw pillows! Ridiculously easy to do and they change the entire look of a room with a small amount of fabric and cost. I like that. I got these fabrics back in the fall with the intention of making the pillows after the major part of the living room renovation was done.

Alas, studio was packed like a sardine can and sewing anything just wasn't an option. I found the new fabrics in a stack of leftovers at a discount fabric store. I used the stuffing from the old pillows to stuff the new ones. I've still got another set to make for the chairs but I haven't found just the right fabric yet. Need something dark to balance the mulberry colored ones on the sofa, but I want to bring in some deep rust colors as well. I'll stay on the look-out for something. A trip to the thrift store might bear fruit. Come to think of it, I may have some old pillowcases in a dark rust color --- *Note To Self - pilfer linen closet! But here's what's done thus far ...

 

Back at the beginning of the month I told y'all about stumbling across Hip Mountain Mama and her blog about One Small Change. What a phenomenal thing it has grown into on the web! Inspiring! Please visit the Community of Change and see for yourself. Better yet, join in and make one small change in your own life. To update on my choice of a small change: Paper Recycling. I decided to clean out space in my pantry and put in a second recycling container for paper in addition to the one I already had for plastic bottles and cans.

Like it is for many others out there, times are tight and the husband and I are watching our pennies. We live out in the middle of nowhere so we don't get the fancy-schmancy recycling containers the city provides. My pantry is kinda' small, too. I had to be budget friendly and a little creative ... laundry hampers from the Dollar Store for $4 ea.! For the time being I lined them with large trash bags. Now that I have access to my sewing machine again I'm thinking of using some old sheets to make liners. Jazz them up a bit.

What I've found since starting this change of separating paper from my regular trash is that I've only had one bag of trash to take to the landfill. ONE! In a whole month! Amazing! Before I would probably have had five or six bags. I still have to get a burn barrel to burn the paper stuff but that's okay. I'll get one soon. Until then, there's still lots of room in my recycle bin.

I've been thinking about what the next "One Small Change" will be for February. With a closet full of fabric and a sewing machine at the ready I'm inclined to whipping up a stack of napkins. I haven't bought real paper napkins in years because the husband likes paper towels for napkins. For myself, I used dish towels. I think it would be nice to make the switch to cloth napkins, as well as cloth towels to substitute for the paper towels. Not to sure the husband will go for it, but I can at least use cloths for all the other things I've used the paper towels for ... wiping up spills, etc. It would be interesting to see how long a roll of paper towels would last if they were only used by the husband as napkins. Since he's only home about 10 days a month, probably a long time. Yep, cloth napkins for February!

Namaste,' y'all ...

Thoughts and Prayers for those in Haiti ...

I've been reading the news online about the devastation in Haiti and it is a true horror story, one that seems completely overwhelming. I can't go and help. Like many these days, I am not in a position to send goods or funds. But what I can do is light a candle and say a prayer. It's a small thing but it's something. That's what I'm doing today.

Namaste, y'all ...

Balance ...

Have you ever felt like you were walking a tightrope? I feel so unfocused and lost right now and I don't even know where to start looking for an answer. I'm trying to feel grateful for all that I have in my life but somehow it isn't really working. I can't put my finger on what I feel is lacking. Yes, I know finding a balance is important to finding happiness, but I don't know what would be my definition of happiness right now. Maybe it's just the winter blues? Ah well, take it day at a time. That's all I know to do.

Namaste, y'all ...

The book is almost always better than the movie ...

I have just finished reading Girl With A Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevaier for the upteenth time. I love the imagery, the descriptions of the paintings, the rooms, the characters. I love the way the girl, Griet, looks at things with an artists' eye for color and composition. It speaks to the artist in me. How could it not?

While I did very much enjoy the movie (it was beautifully done) with Colin Firth and Scarlett Johansson, I am still a person who prefers the written word. I can make my own 'mini movie' in my head while I'm reading. No Hollywood movie magic can compare with what I can imagine on my own.

Off the top of my head I can think of one exception ... The Bourne Identity. I read all the books in the series several years ago and enjoyed them, but y'all, Matt Damon just kicks ass. Period.

I get lost ... but it's so much fun!

I'm not sure what it is but every time I get into Photoshop I get sucked in. Before I know it time has been sucked in with me into some black hole of creativity and my day is gone. I'm not necessarily complaining, just commenting on the phenomenon.

A couple of months ago my husband and I got new cell phones. He the Motorola Droid and I the HTC Droid Eris. In my email this morning was a list of contact numbers he wanted custom icons for. I've just spent a lengthy amount of time making them and having a lovely time doing so. Here is the one for our dentist ...

Namaste, y'all ...

Taking out the trash ...

Yesterday I was surfing 'round the net, reading blogs, checking out what others have posted about their New Year's resolutions, and what-not. I came across Hip Mountain Mama. The post for the day was this: One Small Change. I'm not really a resolution maker. I've done it, sometimes with success and sometimes with a definite lack of success. On reading this post I was struck by the simplicity of the idea, and I was all over the list making process for what I would like to change in my world. It's not about making resolutions, it's about changing your life one small step at a time and I like that.

Starting point. I've been working on becoming vegan for several years now. It's been a slow but positive and rewarding change in my life, my health, my attitude. I believe if everyone became vegan the entire world would bloom. Of course, it's not likely to happen any time soon. Sad but true. Getting my own husband to become vegan/vegetarian would be the equivalent of single-handedly reversing the effects of global warming! The only one I can change is me. So January is the month to begin one small change toward moving even farther forward in my journey to being completely vegan.

Now, I'm sure there is a hand raised out there with the question of, "Why is it taking you so long to convert?" attached to it. It's a good question and I have a number of reasons.

1) It's a really big switch, even from being vegetarian. Veganism is more than not eating meat. It's about eliminating ALL animal products/by products from not only your diet but from your life as well. It's about becoming educated. It involves learning what and where all that stuff is (manufacturers are sneaky) and finding an alternative. Even with internet accessibility to lots of alternatives, acquiring them is not always simple and easy. While there are as many approaches to being vegan is as there are people on the planet, for me it also means being eco-conscious. Yep, tree-huggin', dirt-worshipin', savin' the planet all rolled into one big enchilada. It means being aware of the impact you have in everything you do.

2) So, again, it's a really big switch. Think about all those things you've used/loved/consumed all of your life and suddenly not having any of it. When I started out I was overwhelmed. The more I learned, the more I felt the need to go through every single thing in my house and throw it all away. My shoes were nearly all leather. My health/beauty care products were animal-tested and had horrible chemicals in them. Cleaning products were equally as toxic. My carpet, my art supplies, my knitting and quilting stuff, my books, my light bulbs, my cat food, my Jeep, my brand new wool/cashmere Land's End pea coat ... ALL BAD, BAD, BAD! I'm not wealthy. I couldn't just chuck it all in the trash and buy everything new. And trashing it was BAD, too! Starting from scratch was (is) completely and totally unrealistic. I had to stop, breathe, and form a reasonable, practical plan.

3) Health. Priority one. Learning about diet, vitamins, minerals. Many people who become vegetarian forget there is more to it than just eating tofu and vegetables. They end up suffering a host of health problems and go running off to the doctor - who is inevitably going to convince them to start eating "normal" again. It's important to know what replaces what in a vegetarian diet. Where do you get your protein if you aren't eating steak and eggs? What about vitamin B12 (again, found primarily in meat, eggs and dairy products)? How much do you need of everything? No one book or website gives you a 100% run-down. And what if you don't like tofu? It takes time to learn what you need, how much you need, and where to get it in a way you will still enjoy it.

4) My husband is a carnivore. He's a person who doesn't give much thought to just how those paper towels got from Point A (manufacturer) to Point B (kitchen counter). He focuses on the convenience of having them. Period. I'm not saying he's totally oblivious, but he moves through life like most people do. If you want a cheeseburger, you don't think about how it started out as a living, breathing, feeling, thinking cow - you just go to your favorite burger joint, order it, eat it, and then go about your merry business. Learning to compromise what I want vs. what he wants has been a challenge. Some things have been easy to switch (he loves the Kiss My Face shaving lotion) but others, sadly, will probably never change (he loves cheeseburgers). This means that no matter how much it makes me cringe I still have to buy stuff I don't want to.

5) The great art of compromise. Not only does my husband's way of life conflict with mine, I sometimes conflict with myself. Example: I am an artist. The bulk of my art supplies are not eco-friendly. I know every time I buy a tube of paint I'm buying a 'bad' product. There are places you have to learn where you will drawn your line in the sand and where you won't. I may be okay with using fabric bags instead of plastic at the grocery store, but I'm not giving up my art ... and I'm not going to try making my own yellow ocher or Prussian blue paint. I'm not going to try making my own paper. I'm not going to make paintbrushes. I'll leave all that up to somebody else. Sand = Line.

There is compromise in other things as well. Some from simple cost factor - organic is expensive, and accessibility - I live in a small town with limited options. Internet shopping is not an option if the shipping cost is outrageous, which is often the case. Driving an hour or more to shop in a larger city isn't always practical either. Part of being earth-friendly means being aware of not only what I buy, but where I buy things. I personally think Wal-Mart is evil on many levels, but if that's the only place I can buy the toothpaste my husband likes then that's what I have to do.

6) Living with or living without? Think about the things you just don't want to give up for any reason. Everybody has something they just don't want to let go of, stop using, or live without. Over the years I've been switching to a vegan lifestyle I've come across a few things that I just refuse to let go of. Some are personal, some are emotional, some are practical, some are simply because I am human and I'm not perfect. My art supplies are one example, as I said. Another is my jeans. Okay, I hear the WTF???????'s in the crowd. For years and years and years I have worn Levi jeans. What can I say? They 'fit' me. I've debated the issue from all angles and perspectives. I know they are "bad". I know all the reasons why I should NOT wear Levi's and y'all, that's something I just have to suck up and live with. I'm not comfortable with my other options and that's okay. If I come across them used on ebay or in a thrift store, in my size, and in good condition, that's wonderful ... but if I have to buy them new, then I will and I won't apologize for it. I won't give up my Levi jeans.

So what, after all this long list of reasons, is the point? What "One Small Change" is up for January?

Trash.

Yeah, trash. I've been a plastic bottle (husband is a coke drinker) and can recycler for a long time now. But I haven't been very diligent about other recyclable materials. I want to start with paper products. Like everyone, I get junk mail (though I've reduced that by quite a bit), there are those paper towels, cereal boxes, product packaging, etc. that fills up a trash bag quicker than you might think. I'm going to clean out the bottom of my pantry and set up better recycling system - adding bin to include paper stuff. That is the first step and I'll do it today.

Now, the next question is what to do with all that paper stuff? Some of it would be perfectly safe to burn or compost, some not. I'll have to find out more about that aspect but it shouldn't be too difficult. What has this to do with stepping up the vegan thing? The change is ultimately taking less trash to the landfill and lowering my impact of polluting the environment = in my book that's a really good vegan thing.

Namaste, y'all ...

New Year = New Blog Design

Thought I'd start the new year with a new page design for my blog. Yeah, I'm wild and crazy like that. Not sure I like it so much yet. Always a work-in-progress. Eh, it's only the first day of the year ... I still have 364 days left to tinker with it - who knows what might happen.

Namaste, y'all ...