Why it happens is a question there is no satisfactory answer for. Some say it's just life. Some say it's God giving you an angel for a short time. Some say it's just a mystery. I think I'm inclined to believe it's a bit of each. I just know for certain that in the short time, two months and one week, Tesah was a part of my life I came to love her very much. She was a sweet, delicate, and precious ball of dust bunny fluff. She's been gone two days now and I still look for her to come running across the floor to jump into my lap.
I'm still listening for that funny little burbling sound she made when she thought she was alone and was calling for me or Tuck.
I miss the way she "made biscuits" with her front paws when I scratched her back.
I miss the way she would sing when she purred.
I miss her sweet little face and the way she would touch her nose to mine.
I just wasn't prepared for this loss, not so soon after Creepy passed way, not so soon after Tesah came to live with me. This has been hard. This hurts.
Long story short is that about a week ago I noticed Tesah wasn't acting quite right. Not eating like a horse as usual. Drinking a lot of water. Refusing to play with Tuck. Not exactly lethargic but not very active. She wanted to be in my lap constantly. I also noticed that her abdomen seemed distended more than it should be. I thought she might have eaten something that was blocking her digestive system but noticed she was using the litter box relatively normally. She didn't seem to be in any pain, just not feeling good. I thought that maybe ... well, I thought a lot of things.
I took her to the vet's office on Saturday morning and Dr. Jennifer diagnosed her with Feline Infectious Peritonitis. She could have been born with it, it's hard to say because she said it doesn't usually show up until 3 months to 3 years of age. Tesah, best we could guess, was about three months old. There is no effective treatment for FIP. No cure. And it's contagious. Being diagnosed with this disease meant two things: 1) Tesah was going to die no matter what I did and 2) she could no longer be anywhere near Tuck.
The things that ran through my mind were these: I was not going to let Tesah suffer just because I wanted more time with her; even if I were that selfish I couldn't keep her locked up in a bedroom, isolated and alone; I couldn't risk putting Tuck's life in further danger (though he's still not out of the woods yet); and that as hard as it was going to hurt I would have to put Tesah down.
And that is what I chose to do. I held her little body in my arms as she passed, humming a lullaby to her as her heart stopped beating. I brought her home and buried her on the hill behind the house, just a short distance from where Creepy was buried on July 5th. This was the first time I've ever had to do such a thing as make the choice to put an animal down. It was horrible.
Tesah came to me on July 6th through my friend Sue, as a buddy for Tuck and a balm to my heart after Creepy's passing. And she was a precious gift indeed. I thank Sue, and I thank God, for the short time she was with me.
Goodbye, my baby Tesah.
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