It has come home to me, literally, that big things come in very small packages. Something as seemingly innocuous as a FedEx envelop can send your day on a straight path to Hell. And it comes with a friendly greeting and a smile.
What am I talking about?
I was sitting there on the sofa, taking a short breather after rearranging the bedroom furniture, when I hear the crunch of gravel from wheels coming down my drive. Interesting. Slightly irritating. I'm not expecting anyone. I look out the back window and see a big white FedEx van. Hmmm. I haven't ordered anything. I go to the door, step out onto the porch, get the "Hello ma'am!" greeting. I acknowledge with my own Hi ya'! I wait while he punches in the numbers into the handset, chit-chatting about the nice weather today. He hands me an envelop and bids me a good day. I say bye and go back in the house.
Quick zip of the pull tab, open the envelop, take out papers, read, stand in the middle of the living room feeling slightly nauseous. It's a letter from the company my husband had been working for announcing they are not only closing the three terminals we already knew of. They are shutting down the entire company. Effective today. My head instantly started to hurt.
Why should I care? The husband has already found another job. Well, yeah, but Jevic was supposed to be paying the drivers from the three terminals, with health benefits, until June 2nd. In the blink of an eye that just got shot in the proverbial ass. Both barrels. Dear Employee, we've just screwed you out of a couple of paychecks you were counting on. Have a nice day.
I don't know about the rest of you, but times here at Chez Martinez are tight. All paychecks and/or income are necessary. I like to have food. My vehicles like fuel. My assorted debts like to be paid. Unfortunately, I'm not a month ahead on all my bills the way I was this time last year. Again, things have been tight. (okay yeah, I was the idiot who bought nasty expensive yarn last year but that's not totally relevant at the moment). The cost of living has increased while the income as slightly declined because of the state of the economy. Lots of people out there know exactly what I'm talking about. Bills get paid but not much left to pay extra all the time.
What concerns me at the moment is the income from the husband's new job is still "training level income". I have no idea how much he will be making over the next couple of weeks, nor am I certain about the overall income situation to begin with. Trucking incomes are not constant like a typical 40 hr. week job. You get what you get according to what you drive. It fluctuates and varies week to week. With the new company, it will now be every two weeks instead of weekly. We don't know for certain how long he'll be with his trainer and when he'll get his own truck to start 'really' earning income.
The reiki store is not an income venture at present, nor do I expect it to be for awhile. Artwork income isn't bill paying now either. Despite having a small amount of savings stuck back, it's still not a pleasant situation at the moment. I'm also not looking forward to the husband's reaction when he calls this evening and I tell him the news. It will only add stress to what is already a stressful 'new job' situation for him.
No y'all, today has not been an altogether nice day as I thought it might be. And it looks like that lovely Stimulus check and our unexpected bonus of a state/federal tax form amendment filing will go for bills and not anything fun, that's for damn sure. The husband's going to have to wait for the computer stuff for his keyboard as well. Blah!, he's going to be really snarly about that, too.
And one of the side effects of this whole thing (husband's job & financial issues) is the separation I'm feeling spiritually. Surprisingly, it hasn't affected my readings for others at all. I say lots of prayers of gratitude for that, you can be sure!!! What I mean though is the connection for me personally. I realize it's a temporary state of affairs. I realize the cause. I realize it's technically my own internal chatter of worrying about things that creates the block. I got it. What I don't got is a solution that's quick and straightforwardly flips the switch back to the on position. And, yes, this creates more worry and stress. Treadmill + squirrel + nut.
I feel like an idiot. I really do. I'm supposed to be well connected to the Creative Source, to my Guides, and yet I feel insecure and full of doubt about them. I see them at a distance and I wonder if they really are who I've believed they are all this time. I guess that doesn't make much sense to most of you. In a way, it doesn't make sense to me either. This is even more confusing because of a relatively recent addition/connect to a major Guide. Being connected to my Guides is vitally important to me.
Way back when I had my Y360 blog (which I still miss, BTW) I posted this about Spirit Guides. *For those who have read it, bear with it again ......
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Kali's perspective on a the subject of Spirit Guides, Guardian Angels and such ... *Please remember this is MY take on things, entirely what I get from the spirit world. Your own experience may be vastly different because Spirit moves differently for different people. You gotta' go with what works for you personally.*
So, get yourselves comfy folks, 'cause here we go ...
Much like our own military, spiritual/celestial entities have a hierarchy. Like a Marine rank and file. You've got your enlisted guys, Private - grunts - soldiers who fight on the front lines - all the way up to you're 4-Star General, the Big Cheese. Each exist on different vibrational levels or dimensions within the whole of the spiritual/celestial system. They also have varying ranks within their own particular level, so to speak. Think Sergeant, Staff Sergeant, Gunnery Sergeant, Master Sergeant, Sergeant Major, etc.
Those whom I'll call Earth-Bound Entities (EB's) are what you would probably call ghosts. They are the most closely connected to this earthly vibrational level - they are the equivalent of Private. They haven't yet realized they've passed from earthly form to spiritual form, for whatever reason. Haunted houses, etc.
Next along are the spirits of your Grandmother Rosie, your Aunt Edna, your Uncle Bob, etc. (Private First Class) They are the easiest to connect to when channeling because their vibrational level is still, in a way, earth-bound. They know they've passed, moved up the vibrational scale, but they still feel a connection to the loved ones they left behind. They are the ones who greet you when you cross over as well.
Then you've got your Guardian Angels = Sergeants. They can still materialize and appear as humans, or even as animals. Lots of people have stories about coming in contact with a mysterious person who somehow 'saved their life' or helped them in a profound way. They are your closest spiritual ally, with you from the first breath of your earthly existence to your last. A kind of celestial 'soul buddy'. Every single person has one, even if they do know acknowledge them. They protect you in this life.
Gate Keepers - Lieutenants - are most known to those who, like myself, are Mediums. They 'guard the door' between earth and spirit. They are the big burly guys who'll toss you out on your ass if you make an unwanted, drunkenly groping pass at the waitress over at Billy-Bob's Road House. They watch your back. They protect you from negative EB's and help you raise your own vibrational level to channel higher level entities.
Spirit Guides are unusual creatures and fall somewhere in around the rank of Captain. They have, as ALL entities do, distinct personalities and play individual, specialized roles in the lives of the humans they work with. They or may not have ever lived as humans, though often they are beings who have indeed walked in this earthly dimension at one time or another. They usually have lived a life with their 'assigned' humans as a friend, family member, or some other close acquaintance. They are, in a form, very similar to 'soul mates', cosmic buddies who repeatedly share the course of our lives. They work with us on our life's path. They encourage, guide, and care for us all the days of our existence ... both in physical form and spiritual form. Occasionally they come and go through your life, new ones coming in, as you learn certain lessons, others move out. It is not unusual for a particular Guide to work with several humans at once. They exist in a vibrational level that enables them to "be in two places at one time" in a way.
Angels and Archangels - Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Metatron and so forth are the Majors. While they do not take human form, they still greatly influence human life. Good ol' Michael is one of my own Guides and I can assure you, he is quite a character. But I'll talk more about him at another time. Often these are the ones who channel information through a particular individual, like Seth channeled through Jane Roberts. Again, they too have a kind of hierarchy within their own vibrational level. They are important in that they carry messages for the whole of existence as we know it, and existence outside of our perceived vibrational level and dimension. And they are somewhat like cosmic gate keepers between the higher spiritual levels.
As we step up the celestial ladder, you get into those some call the Ascended Masters. These are your Colonels. Think Buddha, Jesus, Shiva, Kwan Yin, and so forth. They are the beings whom humans have called Gods and Goddess through the ages. They have become self-realized (meaning they have achieved a complete and indivisible union with the Divine Source) and can come and go from the earthly plane to the celestial plane without the humanistic birth/death cycle. They "sit at the right hand" of the Creator. They are our ultimate teachers and guides. They embody the cosmic lessons, ie: Jesus = love; Buddha = enlightenment; Kwan Yin = compassion; etc. They work with us for our highest spiritual evolution and walking our own path toward achieving self-realization.
Whew! Now that we’ve established the cosmic hierarchy as Kali knows it to be ....
Today, a few of my own Spirit Guides are yammering to be introduced. I think they’ve been plotting this behind my back for awhile. And they’ve been as giggly as schoolgirls all morning.
I don't know about yours (unless I tune in, of course) but mine have a wicked sense of humor. They are prone to dishing out a spiritual thump on the head on occasion. But most importantly, they love to laugh ... sometimes with me, sometimes at me. I'm not at all sure I'm likin' that being laughed at aspect, but I do see their point. I can be rather dense, and when I finally clue in to an important message, it's inevitably a "Duh!" kind of moment.
Unfortunately, I can't say that I know ALL of my Guides very well. What I do know is that for some inexplicable reason, there's a whole chorus line of them hanging around. Some stand way back in the peripheral of my psychic vision, some get right up in my face. Those are the ones I do know, the up close and personal ones. I know their names. I've 'seen' their faces. I 'hear' their voices. We communicate telepathically, all the time. *NOTE* Guides can get kinda' pushy, too, when they want something, just so y'all know. My closest Spirit Guides are Izeel, Abeal, Andrew and Murium. The Four Musketeers. They are my spiritual comrades, so to speak. They have a preference for nice long talks when I'm in bed getting ready to fall asleep. I suppose that’s the time I’m most receptive, most relaxed, and not so much ‘in my own head’. They take advantage of that.
They, as I said, are specialized. Izeel is the most vocal of the group. With his appearance, he gets this whole hippie/Jesus thing going. Y’all know, picture Robert Powell in Jesus of Nazareth with a tie-dyed robe on. Really nice. He’s the one I take deeply personal questions and concerns to. He holds my emotional side and my intuitive side. He is my comfort zone, my big fuzzy blanket.
Abeal has short, light golden brownish-red curly hair, soft gray eyes, beard and mustache. He has a vaguely Irish look about him and he likes to wear those cable-knit fisherman’s sweaters. He holds my intellectual side. He’s technical, analytical, yet in an oddly informal way. He’s who works with me at the computer or when I do graphic design stuff. He’s much like a wonderful Uncle, gentle, but you've got to respect him.
Andrew is tall, lean, with a mop of always messed up black hair. He has sparkly clear blue eyes and he loves to laugh. He loves to hear me laugh as well. He holds my childish, humorous side. He will sometimes break out dancing, and he moves through existence as if it’s always a celebration. He likes blue jeans, white t-shirts and high-top Converse sneakers ... worn out, untied and floppy. All he needs is a '57 Chevy and a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his shirt sleeve.
Murium is whom I often call Muse. She is my artistic guide. She holds my imagination, my creativity, my self-expression. She’s a warrior with paint. She has beautifully long blonde hair, an angelic face, a sculptor’s dream. She is elegance, romance, magic and mystery. She is the nymph men have sought to accurately paint for hundreds of years ... and they always fall short of capturing her beauty. Her eyes are violet/gray. She rarely speaks, but makes her presence known just the same. She holds my hand when I paint, as if she were doing the work and not I.
But another interesting character is my Gate Keeper, Nanna. Grand-motherly in appearance with a soft cloud of white hair. She, like Andrew, loves to laugh and she likes to pat me on the head. She is there when I fall asleep, when I channel or do any psychic work, and she’s also very fond of hanging around when I cook. Her call sign is chocolate chip cookies. If I, out of the blue, suddenly think about chocolate chip cookies you can bet Nanna is near.
This morning I was standing at the kitchen sink and I had a “Duh!” moment. I was thinking about the chocolate chip cookies I had made last weekend, how I had eaten a couple every day even though I really wasn’t craving cookies in the least bit. I realized I had mistaken the spontaneous “Oh, I think I’ll go in the kitchen and make some chocolate chip cookies!” moment I had last Saturday for just that ... an urge to make cookies. In reality is was Nanna trying to get my attention. Why? Because she knew I was getting ready to ‘move up a vibrational level’ and it was going to be a kind of psychic overload.
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So what's the point of all that? It's a reminder for me of how well I was once "in touch" with my Guides. How I talked to them all day and into the evening until I fell asleep. How I felt them with me so clearly I could almost see them in the physical. I was really connected.
For the past several weeks that feeling just isn't there and I'm at a loss with it. I miss them, miss that connection terribly. When I try to connect for anything other than a client reading it just feels off, distant and clouded. To be honest, it's more than troubling, it's really wigging me out. I don't like it. Not at all.
What to do? For now, it's go fix something to eat (because I tend to not eat when I'm upset or stressed), watch a movie and knit something.
Again, Namaste y'all ...
So what's the point of all that? It's a reminder for me of how well I was once "in touch" with my Guides. How I talked to them all day and into the evening until I fell asleep. How I felt them with me so clearly I could almost see them in the physical. I was really connected.
For the past several weeks that feeling just isn't there and I'm at a loss with it. I miss them, miss that connection terribly. When I try to connect for anything other than a client reading it just feels off, distant and clouded. To be honest, it's more than troubling, it's really wigging me out. I don't like it. Not at all.
What to do? For now, it's go fix something to eat (because I tend to not eat when I'm upset or stressed), watch a movie and knit something.
Again, Namaste y'all ...
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