A day to be thankful ...

Happy Turkey Day, y'all ...

Technically speaking, I think every day you should remember to be thankful for what you have. I'm saddened how anymore it seems to require a holiday to make people stop and remember to be grateful/thankful. When I light that stick of incense every morning I take a minute to say "Thanks!" for all the good stuff in my life ... and "Thanks!" for all the not-so-good stuff, too. Good things, well, are good things. The bad, they help you appreciate the good and they are lessons to learn from. Of course, that's my humble opinion.

The things I'm thankful are probably simple and ordinary to most folks, but I'm okay with that. My list includes, but is not limited to:

• Every day is a new opportunity to try again.
• The gift of being human.
• My Spirit Guides and how they care for me, protect me, and help me on this journey.
• The ever evolving and growing connection I have with the Divine source.
• Every event and every person who has contributed in one way or another to my being who and where I am today.
• That I know what true love is.
  
• M. Personal and I won't elaborate.
• The husband and all he does for me.
• The miracle of the incredible friendships I have in my life.
• My home, it's comfort and protection.
• Tuck, and the sweet and goofy bundle of furry kitty-love that he is.
• Open Hands and the friend/business partnership I have with three amazing people.
• The ability to paint and the joy of art.
• The change of seasons even if I'm not particularly fond of cold weather. - But hey, knitting and knitted stuff is a bonus to cold weather, so it does have it's upside!
• Knitting and stores full of delicious yarn.
  
• Coffee and flavored hot teas - most wonderful stuff.
  
• Books! A person can never have enough books.
• Rubi, my pretty little Jeep that reliably gets me where I need to go.
• Thick, warm socks.
• The invention of electricity and light bulbs.
• Camping and the campfire.
• Creeks, especially one you can camp next to.
• Adobe Photoshop.
  
• Chocolate truffles. Need I say more?

Yeah, I could sit here for a long time and rattle off dozens of things, but you get the gist. Like I said, items on my thankful list are rather obvious. But maybe that's as it should be sometimes. Too often we forget about those simple things, everyday things. The things we take for granted, like having a car that starts on a cold morning or a glass of sweet iced tea on a hot summer day. Those are the things that make up our lives moment to moment. Yes, be thankful for the big stuff, but don't forget the small things.

So let me leave you with this image of considerable charm and the magic of love ...

Photo swiped from CuteOverload.com

At last ... an accomplishment.

I decided to take yesterday, Sunday, off from any form of work. No housework. No store work. No art work. It feels like months since I've been able to do that. Always a list of a gazillion things needing my attention or to be done hovering over my head like a big dark cloud. Even the few times I've curled up on the couch with the husband to watch a movie has been overshadowed by the knowledge of what else I should be and/or could be doing with that couple of hours. I've been feeling like all I do is work and no play. Not a good thing.

I really needed a break. Downtime. My time. Just a day to do what I wanted and nothing else. I spent the day kicked back on the sofa, pot of tea at the ready, watching movies and knitting a scarf my friend Rena requested as a present for her friend Michelle. The yarn is a lovely super bulky acrylic bouclé in a cherry & burgundy colored fiber blend by Red Heart. I had started the scarf a couple of days ago, snatching an few minutes here and there, but hadn't gotten more than about 10-12" knit. I used my favorite size 11 bamboo needles and a plain garter stitch.

I've only met Michelle once and wasn't sure about "size". She's not a tall person and about average in body size. I also wasn't sure of her scarf preference. Some people like big fluffy scarves for warmth, some like small and more as an accessory than for being functional. I opted for an in-between.

Since Michelle actually picked out the yarn herself, I figured the scarf needed to show off the yarn more than the stitches ... and bouclé, being all bumpy and twisty, isn't conducive to showing stitch pattern anyway. I don't really remember the number of cast on stitches, somewhere around 12. It measured out to be 4" wide. Using the size 11 needles with such a bulky bouclé kept the knitting dense, disguising the plain garter stitch (which isn't my favorite in appearance). It shows off the both the puff of the yarn and it's bi-coloration nicely.

So, I, like I said, I made a pot of tea and popped in the first movie. I picked Das Boot because it's a long movie, I've seen it several times, and could "listen" more than watch. I'm not one of those enviable knitters who can knit without watching what they're doing. No sir, I've gotta' watch every stitch or I make a big mess. All things set, I started knitting. And knit. And knit. And knit. Three long movies and two pots of tea later I'd knit up another 60" of scarf, making it a total length of 72". Nice and long.

On Saturday after the store closed, Rena and I drove up the mountain to Asheville. Our first stop was Asiana for sushi. Very tasty, I might add. Then we zipped over to AC Moore crafts store to buy beading for the scarf. I thought it needed a bit of extra pizazz. We found a cool pre-woven rick-rack & bead combo by TrimTations. Matched perfectly. After finishing the knitting part of the scarf, I stitched the bead-trim to the ends. If I do say so myself, I think it turned out rather pretty.

See for yourself ...



And that was about the extent of my day. Not too bad. Only downside was it made me want a lot more days just like it.

Namaste, y'all ...

Decisions, decisions.

I'm lying there in bed last night, completely frustrated over my attempt at painting. I reworked that damn butterfly from Hell seven times and STILL didn't like it one iota. Not one. Not even half an iota. Niet. Pas. Nicht. Non. Não. I don't even like it multilingually. And I stewed, just as I said I would. Stewed into the wee hours of the night.

Eventually, comprehension set it. I hate the shape of that damn butterfly. Wings are wrong. It's too flat. It's just wrong all over. Wrong. And then the question of what to do about it began rolling around in my head.

Damn butterfly.

--- Ah Ha! ---

Paint over the little bastard. I don't even care if it does screw up the background, which I was actually starting to like. It's acrylic. Get over it and paint over it. Adios old butterfly. Start fresh. A better butterfly. New and improved butterfly. Painter friendly butterfly. Nice butterfly.

So I did. Poof! A few swishes of the brush and bye-bye butterfly. I can't begin to describe the feeling of relief. No matter that so much effort disappeared in a matter of 2.3 minutes. It was good. It felt good.

Why does it take so long to figure this stuff out? Why do I keep working at something until I'm frazzled and cranky and hating every minute of the process? Why is it that I have such a hard time of recognizing a block and moving around it? I do this surprisingly often when I'm painting. It's as if I get stuck in trying to make something right (or work) and worry with it like a dog with a bone. Do other artists do that?

Anyway, I pilfered through my reference material, found a butterfly I like much better and have just finished drawing it onto the canvas a few minutes ago. On a roll now. At least, I was until I started thinking about coloration. Sheesh! Decision making time. There I am, feeling rather sassy and all geared up to sling some paint and Wham! I've got color issues.

I guess I should go sit and stew some more.

Namaste, y'all ...

All's quiet on the western front, that is, when the cat is sleeping.

Life Of Leisure

Wow! It's been eons since my last post. Okay, maybe not eons, but close. Where does the time go? February was last week, wasn't it? Scary, this getting older thing and the way time zips by like a dragonfly on speed. The getting older part isn't bad. It's just the time thing that bothers me. Too much left to do. Good thing I plan on living until I'm 102. Since I just turned 44 yesterday, I've still got a long way to go.

So what's been going on over the past month? A lot. Big changes at the store. We've started our own publication called ACCESS. Considering there isn't much in the way of being able to advertise locally, it made sense to take matters into our own hands. Granted, it's going to be a huge, and sometimes frustrating, undertaking to put together each month but I think it's well worth the effort in the long run. Unfortunately, this is only our second month and it's too soon to gauge it's effectiveness. The response from people who have seen it has been positive and that's encouraging.

So far, both issues have taken far longer to get ready and to the printer than they should have. Both times there have been deadline issues, program issues, file issues and such. I know it's going to take awhile to really get the kinks out and have it be relatively easy to do monthly in a timely manner. That's the nature of graphics, printing, advertising, distribution, etc. I hate to say it, but it brings back bad memories of my days in the graphics industry and I'm not much likin' that part. But like I said, it's our best shot at getting the advertising we need to keep the store moving forward and the doors open.

Other changes are happening at the store as well. Some associates are gone, some hanging on, and some will probably go by the wayside before long. That's okay. Those who want to be there will be there and make use of the space available to them. Kind of like weeding the garden so the flowers have a better chance to grow and flourish. I'm disappointed about some of them not working out as I had hoped. Unfortunately, you can't make someone take advantage of a good opportunity, nor can you force them to do anything they aren't ready or willing to do. You just have to move on to the next thing and forget what didn't work out. I try to think of it as a positive thing (weeding) and believe the store will be the better for it.

Work in the studio has been painfully slow, almost non-existent. Although I've sneaked an hour here and there I haven't made much progress on the work-in-progress. It's really frustrating, wanting to paint and not having time ... or having a little time and not wanting to do it. To be perfectly honest, the painting isn't going like I want and I'm disgusted with it. I can't figure out what to do or where to go with it. Like having a flat tire, dead on the side of the road and no spare in the trunk. Do you wait for a ride or start walking?

I won't lie, I dread the thought setting it aside and starting on a new piece, but that's what I may have to do. Maybe I could try doing it smaller? The large canvas feels overwhelming given the amount of time I'm able to get in there and paint. I just don't know. Stew on it for awhile longer I suppose. But, I do have a few photos to add to the Wet Brush page on the website. Hopefully I'll get them posted in the next few days.

The quit smoking - hypnosis thing didn't work out after all. The therapist remembered another appointment she'd scheduled prior to scheduling mine and it kind of left me hanging. I'd gotten myself all worked up for that day and poof! No-go. Considering that she'd felt that I was going to be a "challenge" and had to do extra research in order to work with me, the difficulties we'd had with scheduling in the first place, and a couple of other issues, when I got her email about the prior appointment my confidence level in the process went straight down the tubes. I'm extremely disappointed and don't think, knowing how I am, that I could get it back very easily now.

I guess it means I'm going to have to figure a way to just do it on my own, even if I have a melt-down in the process. (I'm not sure if I'm kidding about that!) I do know if I chose to seek out a different hypnotherapist I'll have to find one with years of experience under their belt. Thing is, I just don't feel all excited about it like I did. My bubble got burst. I'm actually feeling rather sincerely crappy and sad about it. I felt like I'd found a viable source of help and the rug got pulled out from under me. But I'm not giving up on quitting! As I said, I just have to figure out a way to do it by myself. Wish me luck.

Got Tuck fixed. Knocked in neutral. Nipped & tucked. Poor fella'. Surprisingly, you wouldn't think anything was out of the ordinary with the way he's been ka-zingin' around the house ever since he got back home. One would be inclined to believe he's been smoking the catnip on the sly. Either that or he's happy as Hell to have come away from the vet's office alive, if not totally intact. At least it's over and done and he won't start doing that male cat thing of pissing all over the house to mark his territory. Folks, if you've ever had a boy cat markin' up the house, you make damn sure it isn't likely to happen again with any new boy cat you get. Pee-ew!

Well, sorry to end on a pissy note, but hey, I'm tired and I've still got lots of stuff to do before bedtime. But then, maybe I'll go to bed and get up early instead. Hmmmmm .......

Namaste, y'all ...

More changes and good days ahead ...

No changes on the painting this weekend but a few other interesting things happened ...

1) Had a phone conversation with Sheila, a new friend and one of the associates with our store, this past weekend. She's simply delightful. She's a hypnotherapist and I'm going to have her help me with my smoking issue. Yes, I'm a smoker. Form your opinion about that and move on. I've smoked since I was twelve years old. I will be 44 in November. I've been trying to quit for a long time. Trust me when I say this, it's far easier said than done. You don't have to give me all the hoo-ha schpeel about how bad it is for me, what a nasty habit it is, blah, blah, blah. Heard it all before. I've attempted all the pills, patches, gum, tying myself up with rubber bands and assorted other gazillion and fifty three ways to stop smoking. Hasn't worked thus far.

I even tried hypnotherapy years ago. It was a "group" seminar a friend/fellow smoker asked me to attend with her. I sat in a metal folding chair, beside a terribly staticky speaker, in a crowded room, uncomfortable as a cat in a puddle. It was cold in the room. I couldn't hear the man conducting the session very well. I spent most of the hour shivering in my chair, looking around at the people there, and wishing I was someplace else. Long story short is as soon as I walked out of the building to leave I lit up a smoke. $40.00 down the tubes. (Or up in smoke.)

So why try hypnotherapy again? Well, this is different. It's one-on-one with someone I really like. Someone I would be comfortable with. In a place I'll be comfortable. And because I want to do it. I want to quit smoking. When I tried the group thing all those years ago I didn't really want to quit, not really. It makes a huge difference. This time, I'm looking forward to it. I've realized my quitting smoking isn't the physical withdrawals that bother me so much. Heck, I quit drugs and drinking years ago without any problems. It's the psychological aspect. It's a mind thing. Just the thought of being without cigarettes messes with my head. This is the heart of my addiction. This is where I have to focus the effort to quitting. I think hypnotherapy will be the key, for me, to breaking the habit. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. This time I'm ready. It will be a big change in my life, but this time I want to.

2) Two friends, one very near and dear to my heart and the other a somewhat new friend I think very highly of, fell head-over-heels, deep down to the giggly smiley bone, in love. Y'all, I couldn't be happier for them than if they had both won the Powerball Lottery for a gazillion bucks. I won't deny that some time back I planted a little seed in their brains about their spending time together. Both are single, about the same age, have an unbelievable amount in common, and it just seemed like a perfect match to me. Guess that little seed took root. I've been standing back, watching the sprouting like a proud Mamma. Looks like a has flower bloomed.

They came to see me this weekend to tell me they are officially a "couple". They wanted me to be the first to know. As if I couldn't see it for myself! Lordy! They were like silly teenagers. Smiling as if they'd just swallowed a handful of happy pills. His comment was, "Knocked on my ass." Honestly, I couldn't stop smiling either. It was beautiful. I loved seeing them so happy, so full of that mystical, magical feeling called love. Especially early stage, brand new, make you feel all tingly and giddy love. I can't imagine two people more perfect for each other.

And while I am coming to care very much for her, he has been a close friend for several years now. He's one of the few people in this world I actually trust. Seeing him smile, seeing him this happy, is better than words can describe. It's like seeing that illusive thing called "faith in something bigger" live and in action. He is an amazing human being, deserving of all the joy this world (and any other) has to offer. It fills my heart to bursting to see, to be a part of, such a blessing as this friend finding love in his life. It's a gift.

3) In a previous post I talked about a woman whom I called "Anne". I told you about my not being liked by this woman and spoke briefly about the troubles I've had with her. I also told you that because she is friends with some of my friends, I said I was willing to open our doors to her being a part of the store and it's changes if my friends felt she would be a benefit to us. Truthfully, I didn't think that would ever happen. Not because of my feelings toward her but because of what I believed her feeling toward me to be. Well, I have to say I got a big surprise about that this weekend. A really big surprise.

Seems Anne had told a mutual friend she thinks she may have cast unfair judgement on me and is open to mending the fence. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Really. I was shocked to my toenails. I think I was stunned speechless for a minute. I've thought about it since I heard it and am still in a mild state of shock. Naturally, at the first opportunity after hearing this yesterday I called my best friend (the one Anne almost caused me to lose) and told her about it. I needed to hear her opinion on the subject. She was shocked, too.

Part of what surprised me was my split-second initial reaction. Which was, Oh Hell No! I honestly thought I would have had a different reaction. I thought I was past such a reaction. I would have sworn I was. When I analyzed it I understood it was simply more fear bubbling up. Still a deep insecurity of Anne possibly destroying another friendship that I value. The thought of it makes me shiver to my bones. Yes, I have a deep fear on that level. But as I analyzed it further, I felt better because I know these friendships, the ones I fear losing, are stronger than Anne, stronger than anything she could say or do. These people know me and care about me. They would come to me if any problem or conflict should ever arise between us. And the feelings we have for each other would triumph over any conflict. While that knowledge didn't completely erase the fear, it abated it considerably. I'm still a non-confrontational person and part of the fear is in dealing with a conflict should it ever come up. That fear is an old, way back from early childhood, kind of fear. It's the same one I feel when I hear someone yelling or arguing. I don't know if I will ever get over that particular fear.

Anyway, on with the story. I told the friend who told me about Anne's desire to reconcile I would be willing to talk to Anne. But I have a couple of conditions and I don't think they are inappropriate or unreasonable considering the circumstance. The first being that I'm not going to be the one to make the first move. My conscience is clear about the past issues between Anne and myself and I don't feel I have anything to make ammends for. The second is that if Anne messes with any of my friendships, starts any crap, I will be on her like white on rice. I may be non-confrontational at heart, but I can attack when necessary. I won't hesitate to go for the throat with Anne. And, I'll boot her from our store, no matter what, faster than the speed of light. I will not allow her to mess with my friendships, and I most certainly not allow her to mess with the store. Period.

But my second reaction to this is "Wow?!". Yes, both exclamation point and question mark intended. I'm still puzzling over this coming up just a couple of days after my having posted a blog entry about Anne. Interesting timing. The question mark end of it is I'm very curious to see where this will lead. And why, after all these years, is she suddenly having a change of heart/attitude? I think it's partly because Anne has finally realized there was another person, who shall remain nameless, who is largely responsible for the trouble between us. And partly because she sees what we are building at the store, the potential for what it can and will be, and wants to be a part of it more than she wants to keep feeding her ill will toward me. I think it's good. Now, whether or not Anne will indeed call me or come to the store to talk to me remains to be seen.

4) The changes in myself, on a personal level, keep expanding and growing. Instead of feeling so confused and undirected in my life I am starting to feel the possibilites. Like the first glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I'm seeing questions answered and old issues resolving. I'm thinking about things in new ways, with new eyes and a different attitude in my heart. I jokingly made the comment at the end of the previous post about Anne that maybe what I was thinking at the time showed me I was making progress. Maybe I was more right about that than I realized. I feel I am making progress with me.

I had a very long talk with a friend about my spiritual question/difficulties the other day. The feeling I had at the end of our conversation was relief. It wasn't a great "Ah ha!" kind of relief, more of a putting an extra warm blanket on the bed on a chilly night kind of relief. I felt relaxed in a way I haven't in a long, long time. No, I didn't solve all of my problems nor answer a lot of my questions, but it seemed like being confused and lacking clear direction wasn't as big of an obsticle in my way anymore. It feels like, no matter what my issues are right now, spiritual or whatever, that it's Okay. And it's going to continue to be Okay. I know, can feel, resolutions and answers are coming, and it won't be long. I'm looking forward to what's just down the road because I know it's all good.

Namaste, y'all ...