Sometimes it really amazes me at the lengths people will go to when they feel slighted or if they don't like someone else. And yeah, I'll admit it, at one point in my life I wasn't much different. I'm a Scorpio and the Scorpio motto is "Don't get mad, get even ... even if it takes a lifetime." I'm glad to be able to say I grew up. I realized the error of that kind of thinking. It not only takes away from the person you seek revenge against but also from yourself. The meaning of life is lost with such an attitude.
Sadly, some people never do come to understand that. A fact which came home to me yesterday through an email a friend of mine received. I won't go into all the nitty-gritty details. Suffice it to say someone (let's call her Diane for the sake of this tale) doesn't like my friend (or me) and is trying to cause problems in our lives. What I think even sadder than Diane's immaturity is her complete ignorance of how truly ineffectual and ignorant she is. I'm not just talking about the grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes running amok in the email either. And y'all, they were embarrassingly bad. Although the email was anonymously sent, there were things said in it which only a very small handful of people would/could know. Diane being one of that handful. Ummmm ... kinda' stupid to mention things that aren't public knowledge ......
What I'm also talking about in her being ineffectual and ignorant is how, somewhere in town, she is sitting around feeling gleeful, thinking she has hurt my friend and I. No, more than hurt, she thinks she has potentially caused us to loose our jobs, be forced to close our business, etc. I'm talking really bad stuff. And she is HAPPY to think it's going to happen. She WANTS it to happen. She has deliberately, with malice and aforethought, tried to make it happen. She honestly doesn't understand people see through such crap. They see someone trying to cause trouble and turn away. Oh sure, maybe one or two people might get on the bandwagon because they are as ignorant as she is, but not many will respond the way Diane thinks they will. Too many people already know the truth of the matter. And in regards to me personally, well, I'm taken care of and that's all I need to say about that.
What kind of emptiness lives in the heart of a person like that? She reminds me of an angry, vengeful child raging against some perceived injury or slight, reacting to the extreme. It's the action of a lost, hopeless soul. It's the action of someone with no sense of themselves, no connection to the Divine, no joy, no love, nothing. Void of all that is good in the world. She feeds herself on negative emotions, darkness and despair. She is always the victim, never the survivor. The broken feather, never the wings in flight. She lives life miserable and alone. And she will die alone, by bits and pieces each day. Her soul cries out and finds no comforting arms to cradle it with hope or light. She has no trust, no faith and no compassion. What a horrible life it must be.
It's useless to ask why someone would be so cruel. I think, for me, the question is more of what is the right way for me to react. I have to say my very first reaction to hearing about the email was that I laughed. Yep, I laughed. In a store parking lot, in my Jeep, on the phone, laughing. I was struck by Diane's stupidity in thinking her responsibility wasn't glaringly, blatantly, obvious. It's just incredible anyone can be so, well, stupid.
My second reaction was to feel bad for third party who was indirectly attacked with this email. He's innocent of anything other than being someone's employer. The fact that it could seriously impact his business probably never even crossed Diane's mind. Again, stupid. I don't think someone else should be hurt just because you think you have a bone to pick with me. But then again, if a person is so empty as I've said, they don't have enough sense to see the whole picture. They most certainly don't have sense enough to care whom they hurt, now do they? Clearly, Diane is such a person.
After having thought about it more over the course of the evening I realized that the best reaction is to ask the Divine to take care of it. However it's supposed to work out, it will do so through higher channels than moi. Yes, I'm blogging about it, and it's there is a distinct likelihood Diane will read this, but that's also Okay. I'm not attacking her, I'm discussing and stating opinions - which I'm allowed to do on my own blog. I'm thinking "out loud" in a manner of speaking. I'm not venting. I'm not angry. I'm simply sad that somewhere along the line another person decided I, and my friends & family, deserve to be attacked and I didn't (that I'm aware of) do anything wrong.
I've known Diane a long time. While I've not been close friends with her, I have tried to be nice. I have tried to be honest, to be friendly, to help her when I could. Why? Because it's not only the right thing to do but because I, to a degree, empathize with her. I see something in her not a lot of people look past the mask she wears to hide behind and will see. I know she had a difficult life growing up. I know she's angry and scared. She wants desperately to be accepted but only feels rejection. Unfortunately, that's something she brings on herself. She's fighting back at a world she perceives to be unjust and unkind. The cold truth is she just wants someone to care about her (don't we all???) and she is her only obstacle to having what she so deeply wants.
It's sad, but Diane's behavior, her attitude and way of presenting herself is exactly what causes people to walk away from being friends with her. When someone can't be honest with themselves how can they be honest with you? How can they bring joy to your life if they can't bring it to their own? How can you trust them if they won't be trustworthy? When someone talks, with pleasure, about trying to hurt someone you can only wonder when they are going to get around to trying to hurt you as well.
There is no easy answer to this situation. Well, yeah, let God sort it out. Okay, I can do that. Although I might wish differently, I know there is no way to reach out to Diane, to say or do anything to help her or alter her perception of being wronged. I know I can't make her life anything other than what she makes of it for herself. What I can do is say I'm sorry for whatever she thinks I personally have done to her, even if I don't believe I have done anything wrong. I can and will, with clear conscience, walk away from Diane and any attempt at being friendly with her from this point on. I may feel empathy for her but that doesn't mean I have to subject myself, or anyone around me, to such a person. I can and do wish her well on her journey in this life and pray that some day she will find a light, find joy, find comfort, and most of all, find love.
Namaste y'all ...
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