The stuck epidemic.

The finished abstract entitled "Genesis"




The finished abstract entitled "Energy"

How many of you ready blogs? How many of you really pay attention to what's being said in those blogs? How many of you have noticed lately a good many bloggers are writing about the same thing? What is that thing? Somehow, in some way, being stuck in life.

I'm curious as to why this is. Why is this stuckness seeming almost epidemic these days? Why is there such tremendous movement of positive energy in the world and yet many people feel as if they are standing still, deep rooted like an old oak tree in a 200 year old forest? Why is life opening up with so many possibilities and avenues of change yet people can't seem to find their path to happiness? Why are people feeling so unsatisfied, groping blindly towards something ... yet they don't know what that something really is?

Anyone who reads my blog is well aware of my current situation of stuckness in my own life. I'm stuck trying to figure out what I want to do with myself career-wise. Should I just paint? Should I write? Should I hang a shingle as a Tarot Reader & Medium? Should I just find an ordinary job? Should I move to Italy and grow olives? Should I say the Hell with it and move to the top of an isolated mountain? Etc. Lots of questions and no definitive answer coming forth at this time. It's a conundrum.

Recently the Executive Director's position at the local Arts Council came open again. I actually called Ashley Wooten, the President of the Board of Directors, to ask him if anyone had yet been hired and about applying for the position. I debated this for the past several days before I called Ashley yesterday. As it turned out, I was a day late and a dollar short - the Board had just hired someone for the position on Monday. To be honest, I was both slightly disappointed and quietly relieved.

A couple of years ago I worked as the Financial Supervisor for the Arts Council for almost two years. I resigned because of things internally within the Council I didn't like; and I wanted to be home painting full time. (After all, that's why I quit the Graphics industry in 1999 and moved back here in the first place.) My position gave me little to no influence on business operations and I became very frustrated by the way the place was being run. I had stress headaches every day and grew to hate being there.

The Arts Council Board of Directors and then Executive Director seemed be steadily losing focus on the artists, promoting artists and the art culture within this community - there is some amazing talent here in this county. The Council put more attention on things like Friday night street concerts on Main St. (and not using local bands), Ice Cream Socials at the park for pre-schoolers, and a host of other non-art related events. And, as I said, there were a lot of other things going on within the business that upset me, but I won't go into detail.

Considering this, one would think I'd lost my mind to have any interest in working there again. I gave it a lot of serious thought. My interest in the position was a combination of several things. I felt that maybe being "out in the working world" again might be good for me. Working from home makes interaction/socializing with people limited. I also could use the income. The Executive Director's position is one of the few jobs around here which pays more than minimum wage. I really don't want to work for $6.00 an hour, ya' know? But another reason for considering applying for the job was the difference in control. As Executive Director I would have had more say in operations, more influence in what's done and not done, etc. Finally, I care about the Arts in this community. I'm an artist living here with no place to sell my work locally, no place that really supports what I do, or other artists in the community either. I knew I could change things in such a position as Executive Director. I could make a difference.

But now it's a mute point. I understand it was the Divine's way of letting me know that particular avenue wasn't the right one for me. It may be been something I could have done, and done well, but would I have truly been happy doing it? Would I have been satisfied with the job? I can't answer that with certainty. What I can say is it wasn't meant happen because I'm meant to do something else ....... now we venture back into the stuck thing. *sigh*

Ever since I spoke to Ashley yesterday morning I've been hearing (from my Guides) I should focus, for the time being, on my promoting artwork, my Tarot reading, Mediumship and practicing Reiki. I should start writing that book. I'm feeling I should finally get off my butt and design business cards/brochures and get them out places where people will see them. People won't know I'm here if I don't tell them. I need to start submitting art to the North Carolina Watercolor Society, the NC Acrylic Society, the Nation Watercolor Society, etc. I need to have some prints and greeting cards made and put them in some stores. I need to stop waiting for it to come to me ....... I need to go after it.

I've realized I truly don't want to work an ordinary 9-5 kind of job. I don't want to be somebody's clerk or secretary or whatever. I want to be an artist. I want to be a Tarot reader - Medium. I want to be a Reiki practitioner. I want to write books. I don't want to be just one of these things, I want to be all of these things. Like Y360 friend Frida said in her blog yesterday, "I want chocolate and also vanilla." Right on, sister! And there is no reason why I can't be all of these things. I have the inclination, I have the skill, it brings me happiness, it would satisfy me.

If that's so, then why am I feeling stuck? Is it that fear popping up again? Round and round we go, me and my stuckness. Sheesh! You'd think I'd get over it already.

On the other hand, I am beginning to feel somewhat pushed into action. I'm well aware of the psychology of the fact that feeling of stuckness will stay, and grow, as long as I'm not actively working towards eliminating it. It will feed itself, like depression, unless I take away what it feeds on .... inaction. And I'm extremely well versed in the soul killing ways of depression. God knows I don't want to ever go into that dark hole again. So, I'll take steps, a little something every day, positive moves toward doing what I want, living as I want. Sounds like a good plan to me.

Today's action will be researching membership applications for the aforementioned art societies. Working in the studio on one of the commissioned portraits. Photographing the finished abstracts (which is done and posted above for y'all to see). Maybe a second round on the treadmill this evening for good measure. Tomorrow will be more steps, but for today I won't worry about them.

Namaste' y'all ...